Enchanted

The streets of PA had a pseudo-victory tonight.

Before I left for Bible Study, I checked out my old friend, Mapquest. He has yet to lead me astray, so naturally I trusted him. To be honest, I don't think it was his fault.

PA has this knack for not clearly marking streets - if they mark them at all! By the time I realized I was never going to find my road, I was already late for the study. It looked like another victory for the streets of PA.

But alas, I had a come back.

I decided to keep going.

I never did find the place where everyone was meeting, but I found something far greater. I drove straight into an enchanted countryside. The sun reflecting like a jewel low in the sky...the corn stretched out on its tippy-toes to poke the billowy clouds...the enticing scent of a spellbound summer's eve...the melodies of praise rising from the unseen creatures.

I found peace.

It has been a rough week...right on time. I have been here for a month now and transition has become a reality. But tonight I heard God whisper words of love to this stubborn child, disarming me and turning my tear-streaked face to Him.

The road did not go where I had planned and in simply following it and refusing to turn back to the familiar, I found a treasure that would have otherwise never been seen by these eyes.

Will I ever learn the simple art of trust?

I'm Not Brave

I've had a lot of people tell me in the past three weeks just how brave I am for picking up and moving to a place where I don't know anyone. It makes me intensely uncomfortable when they say it; moving out here wasn't about being brave, it was about taking the next logical step in a dance of trust with my God. He leads, and I try to follow - though I usually have two left feet.

There have been so many moments in the past three weeks where I wanted to dissolve into a puddle of tears. I have closed my eyes tightly and balled up my fists a number of times hoping that if I tapped my heels together I would open my eyes and be in one of the three other places I call "home". So far, neither thing has happened. I have felt overwhelmed, scared, sad, lost, lonely...and yet there has been an undertow of peace and contentedness that has pulled me through.

Everything is new. For someone who loves adventure, that is marvelous. For someone who is an introvert, that is exhausting. I am both. Every time I walk into a church or a small group or go to hang out with someone I just met, I think to myself, "What are you doing? Why are you here?" And I'd like to say that every time I am on the other side of the experience I say "Wow, that was wonderful!" But I don't. The awkward moments haunt me and sometimes I dread the next new thing. But I'm learning that all that is left to do is fall back on a God who loves me beyond what I can grasp most of the time and push through.

This is not bravery. This is simply a picture of the grace that is my reality. It is scary and it is hard and it is not always pretty. But it is grace that carries me through and pushes me forward.

Thank You, Abba, for finding me tonight
Thank You for leading me home
Thank You for a tender grace
That grabs hold and doesn't let go