"Hush little baby, don't say a word
Daddy's gonna buy you a great big heaven to rest in.
He's bought it with blood and put the seal in your heart
And it will give you the hope you need to get up and start again"
-Waterdeep
I may have written these lyrics in a post back in the middle of July, I'm not too sure. I guess that everyday we are in serious need of God's rest, but somedays I just feel it more than others. I love this picture of God having bought a place in Heaven for us through His Son's blood on the cross...and how that faith and that eager expectation can give us the hope we need to keep on going in times when we are weary and just feeling like we can't take another step.
This song, in one verse, goes on to say:
"When all the things you thought you left behind are still hanging on
And everything you try to do right just ends up all wrong
And on the inside, everyone else seems basically fine
But on the inside, even they won't let go of what's dead and cling to what's alive
But I AM."
Some days the battle of my recent past still rages and leaves me feeling very broken inside with no one with skin on to talk to. Some days my best efforts are disappointed. Most days lately I have stuck to myself and my housemates because I feel more lonely with a lot of people around...possibly because everyone else seems basically fine and I am STILL trying to get my bearings set right after a rough year and lots of transitions. But we are all really just beggars telling others where to find this Bread of Life; or as one speaker from the weekend said "We are all just chickens in this barnyard!" And Jesus is the "I AM"...He is eternal...He is faithful...He is always present. Through the battles and the victories, He is there. And someday (hopefully very soon!!!) we who love Him will get to rest in Him...peace and joy and love will be always abounding. I love that hope.
Hush little baby don't say a word,
Daddy's gonna buy you a great big heaven to rest it.
He's bought it with blood and put the seal in your heart
And it will give you the hope you need to get up and start again.
Good words. :)
10.24.2005
10.22.2005
Patrick
This afternoon, I met a man. His name is Patrick. His skin is black as coal. And his smile reveals teeth white as pearls. As I looked at him from afar, I was taken back to the time in my life where I lost my heart to Africa and the people there. As I approached him, he held out his hand. All I could say was, “My name is Sara. Thank you for coming.” He said, “My name is Patrick, I love Jesus.”
I have been attending a Voice of the Martyrs conference for the last 2 days. This man, Pastor Patrick was a pastor in Sudan. Southern Sudan. If you pay any attention to the world, you know what has been happening in the Sudan for many years. This man was tortured. Why? Because he loves Jesus. Because he led others to Jesus. Because he was doing exactly what God calls us to. He was living what the Bible calls a normal Christian life and yet we in America say it is extreme so that we can live comfortably in our mediocrity, calling this “normal.”
Pastor Patrick asked me again what my name was. I said, “Sara.” He said, “Sara. That is a faithful name.” Humbling. I pray that I will be able to live up to these words. I asked him where his family was, they are in the states with him. I then told him that I had been to Uganda. His eyes lit up with a big smile at this and he gave me what we called in Senegal a “double handshake.” He told me that he had lived in Uganda for 5 years. He asked me how I found Uganda to be. I told him that I loved it very much. He asked me what I am doing. I told him I am studying to become a missionary. He said, "People here who have never been there, they don't really understand. The African people love." And they do, they love abudantly. He asked me if I would go back to Africa, I told him that yes, that is my desire. We talked a little more and I just thanked him again for coming and sharing with us his story. He shook my hand again and said “May God bless you.”
Tears came to my eyes as I walked away. I have wanted to go to a Voice of the Martyrs conference for many years, but have never been where one was. When I heard about this one, I knew immediately that regardless of how much homework or how many other fun activities were going on, I had to go. This man’s words will forever ring in my head, “Sara. That is a faithful name.” This brother has been faithful to God at a very high cost. And yet as I looked into his eyes, I saw peace and a love for Jesus. He knows firsthand the cost of following Christ. He was humble. He was full of love. Christ could be clearly seen in this man. And through a simple five minute conversation with him, my life has been changed.
I have been attending a Voice of the Martyrs conference for the last 2 days. This man, Pastor Patrick was a pastor in Sudan. Southern Sudan. If you pay any attention to the world, you know what has been happening in the Sudan for many years. This man was tortured. Why? Because he loves Jesus. Because he led others to Jesus. Because he was doing exactly what God calls us to. He was living what the Bible calls a normal Christian life and yet we in America say it is extreme so that we can live comfortably in our mediocrity, calling this “normal.”
Pastor Patrick asked me again what my name was. I said, “Sara.” He said, “Sara. That is a faithful name.” Humbling. I pray that I will be able to live up to these words. I asked him where his family was, they are in the states with him. I then told him that I had been to Uganda. His eyes lit up with a big smile at this and he gave me what we called in Senegal a “double handshake.” He told me that he had lived in Uganda for 5 years. He asked me how I found Uganda to be. I told him that I loved it very much. He asked me what I am doing. I told him I am studying to become a missionary. He said, "People here who have never been there, they don't really understand. The African people love." And they do, they love abudantly. He asked me if I would go back to Africa, I told him that yes, that is my desire. We talked a little more and I just thanked him again for coming and sharing with us his story. He shook my hand again and said “May God bless you.”
Tears came to my eyes as I walked away. I have wanted to go to a Voice of the Martyrs conference for many years, but have never been where one was. When I heard about this one, I knew immediately that regardless of how much homework or how many other fun activities were going on, I had to go. This man’s words will forever ring in my head, “Sara. That is a faithful name.” This brother has been faithful to God at a very high cost. And yet as I looked into his eyes, I saw peace and a love for Jesus. He knows firsthand the cost of following Christ. He was humble. He was full of love. Christ could be clearly seen in this man. And through a simple five minute conversation with him, my life has been changed.
10.20.2005
The Ramblings of a Frustrated Sister
I feel the need to voice a frustration. I hope it does not come out harsh. I will first pose it as a question…Why are there so many more single girls on the mission field than guys? Where have all the good guys gone? I have heard many answers to this question…and honestly, very few of them are valid. For instance, for our Africa team, we have a possibility of 3 girls…and one guy. Tonight in our prayer meeting we just laid it out there for God, we need at least one more guy to go and none seem to be willing. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that He is going to raise up another guy or two to go with us…and it will be just the right person or people. In fact, I talked to a guy tonight who I greatly respect simply because of his answer to my question “Would you consider praying about coming to Africa this summer?” Do you know how he responded? He said that he had planned to work two summer jobs in order to pay for school, however, he then said, “But I think going to Africa would be much more fulfilling.” I applaud this man, even if he does not go with us. He is at least willing to consider it whereas most men just flat out say no. Which brings me back to my question…why are there so many more girls who are willing to go? It is a step of faith, yes…it is scary, yes…but it is an adventure…and God will meet us there and be our Rock and Provider. It stretches everyone involved, from family, to friends, to your own faith. But it is so worth it. My last year was the hardest of my life, but I do not for one second regret going to Senegal to serve in the capacity I did. There is a need…in Africa, yes…but in so many other places as well. Where have all the good guys gone? Why are they so afraid to step out? Even if not for long term, but to at least try it for a few weeks in the summer…Are they afraid that if they try it that they will be called to the field? And even if they are called, is it really that bad? I understand that not everyone is called to the field; if everyone went there would be no one here to send us. However, I am sure that people are called but do not go. I can tell you from my own experience that the richest times in my life have come from being on the field. A friend of mine once said to me, “Sara, do you know how many people are called and don’t go? I don’t either, and I don’t want to know.” Guys, from a simple girl who loves Jesus…I challenge you, step up and step out in faith…God’s heartbeat is for the world. Yes, there are things to do here, but how can you have an effective ministry here when you don’t know what is going on in the world because you are too afraid to go? Read the Bible, from cover to cover, God’s heartbeat is stamped all over the pages…the nations. There are more than enough people who will remain here…what we need is a few good men who will step up to this challenge that God has given us…Matthew 28:18-20. I apologize if I come across as harsh, I’m just frustrated.
10.14.2005
She.
The memories came back and some made her cry, others made her laugh as if it were happening all over again. Her heart longed for the days that were full of joy. The days when she could just be herself and feel loved for that. The days when she knew how to accept love and give love.
The tears flowed forth mixed with laughter and heartbreak and she wondered, "What am I doing here?"
But here she is. What she wouldn't give to go back to that place.
The tears flowed forth mixed with laughter and heartbreak and she wondered, "What am I doing here?"
But here she is. What she wouldn't give to go back to that place.
10.08.2005
So Tender
So tenderly He comes.
In the darkness of the night.
In the lonliness of our tears.
In the agony of our groans.
In the silence of our hopelessness.
So tenderly He comes.
To pick us up.
To hold us close.
To wipe away the tears.
To be near.
To satisfy the ache.
To speak into our silence.
So tenderly He comes.
In the brightest of our days.
In the abundance of our love.
In the joy of our heart.
In the noise of our praise.
So tenderly He comes.
To walk with us.
To hold us close.
To share our joy.
To be near.
To fill us to overflowing.
To listen and enjoy.
So tender He is.
This Saviour of mine.
All to His glory.
In the darkness of the night.
In the lonliness of our tears.
In the agony of our groans.
In the silence of our hopelessness.
So tenderly He comes.
To pick us up.
To hold us close.
To wipe away the tears.
To be near.
To satisfy the ache.
To speak into our silence.
So tenderly He comes.
In the brightest of our days.
In the abundance of our love.
In the joy of our heart.
In the noise of our praise.
So tenderly He comes.
To walk with us.
To hold us close.
To share our joy.
To be near.
To fill us to overflowing.
To listen and enjoy.
So tender He is.
This Saviour of mine.
All to His glory.
First Love
I wait still, Lord come and fill
This emptiness is more than I can stand
I lift my eyes, my voice to the skies
Return me to my first love once again
Lord, I fall down on my knees
Only You can rescue me
I find that I am so in need
Wrap me in Your presence
-Ben Kennedy, Enter the Worship Circle (The Second Circle)
My roommate, Bekah, got me flowers today. They are lovely. I got to talk to my brother for a good while this evening. I finished the last of my homework before I can tackle my project. I saw an old friend who I enjoy getting to see. I got to talk to my roomie from my first year in Senegal. It's raining. We watched Princess Bride. I got to see my friend, Sylvia, at IFM tonight. It has been a beautiful day as you can see. Yet my heart cries out for something else...
This emptiness is more than I can stand
I lift my eyes, my voice to the skies
Return me to my first love once again
Lord, I fall down on my knees
Only You can rescue me
I find that I am so in need
Wrap me in Your presence
-Ben Kennedy, Enter the Worship Circle (The Second Circle)
My roommate, Bekah, got me flowers today. They are lovely. I got to talk to my brother for a good while this evening. I finished the last of my homework before I can tackle my project. I saw an old friend who I enjoy getting to see. I got to talk to my roomie from my first year in Senegal. It's raining. We watched Princess Bride. I got to see my friend, Sylvia, at IFM tonight. It has been a beautiful day as you can see. Yet my heart cries out for something else...
10.05.2005
Class.
I love being able to actually look forward to going to class. I feel that way about 3 of my 4 classes right now. I remember in undergrad being incredibly tempted to skip every now and then, but of course my conscience would get the best of me and I would drag myself there...most times. :) But not so any longer...I am excited about going to classes! (Even the 8am ones!)
So tonight we had Gospels. It is a class where we are looking at the harmony of the Gospels in the New Testament. This class equals a ton of work, but it is really good stuff and I have already learned a lot through it. However, tonight, something got into our prof and he was going off on tangents left and right. It was great. I think the most fascinating teachers are those who are passionate about what they are teaching. He got off on the subject of Luther and the reformation, which I have now decided I need to read about since I know very little. And he also got off on the topic of missions, which is my heartbeat. He was talking about the parables in Matthew 13 and somehow stumbled onto the topic of how God is moving in the world.
Anyhow, here are a few of the highlights that I want to share before I head off to sleepy-land...
"Whereas God loves all ministries, not all ministries are as strategic as one another. The most strategic ministry is to proclaim the Gospel where it has not yet been heard."
"The Kingdom harvest is going to come only through sacrifice."
"Groaning is evidence of the Spirit working in our lives. When we have a deep sense of being in Christ, but still feel the pull of our weaknesses, this is a sign of redemption. We groan because we know where we are headed (Heaven with Jesus), but we still feel the weight of the flesh on this earth."
So tonight we had Gospels. It is a class where we are looking at the harmony of the Gospels in the New Testament. This class equals a ton of work, but it is really good stuff and I have already learned a lot through it. However, tonight, something got into our prof and he was going off on tangents left and right. It was great. I think the most fascinating teachers are those who are passionate about what they are teaching. He got off on the subject of Luther and the reformation, which I have now decided I need to read about since I know very little. And he also got off on the topic of missions, which is my heartbeat. He was talking about the parables in Matthew 13 and somehow stumbled onto the topic of how God is moving in the world.
Anyhow, here are a few of the highlights that I want to share before I head off to sleepy-land...
"Whereas God loves all ministries, not all ministries are as strategic as one another. The most strategic ministry is to proclaim the Gospel where it has not yet been heard."
"The Kingdom harvest is going to come only through sacrifice."
"Groaning is evidence of the Spirit working in our lives. When we have a deep sense of being in Christ, but still feel the pull of our weaknesses, this is a sign of redemption. We groan because we know where we are headed (Heaven with Jesus), but we still feel the weight of the flesh on this earth."
10.04.2005
A Good Friend.
So last night I had a good chat with one of my housemates about some different issues going on in her life and then she played "counselor" to me. And I completely loved just sharing with her and hearing about her life.
Tonight though, I was trying to finish a paper that is of course due first thing in the morning, and I just felt a little sad. So I went out on the back porch, turned on the purple Christmas lights and just sat and talked to God. I was probably only out there for 5 minutes, but as I am sitting here now, I realize just how thankful I am that God is my friend. He knows me so well that I don't have to explain all the history behind everything like I would with an earthly friend. I just have to sit in His presence and say "Hi God..." and maybe that's all I have to say and He just knows the utterings of my heart. I love that. He's holy and the Creator of the entire universe...and yet He cares enough about this silly girl who is a bit lonely and overwhelmed to meet her on her back porch for a short talk as she takes a break from a paper that she is struggling to write. How awesome is that? He just loves us so much. I just wish everyone could see this...have this experience...it's available...it just kills me that some will never take hold of it.
Tonight though, I was trying to finish a paper that is of course due first thing in the morning, and I just felt a little sad. So I went out on the back porch, turned on the purple Christmas lights and just sat and talked to God. I was probably only out there for 5 minutes, but as I am sitting here now, I realize just how thankful I am that God is my friend. He knows me so well that I don't have to explain all the history behind everything like I would with an earthly friend. I just have to sit in His presence and say "Hi God..." and maybe that's all I have to say and He just knows the utterings of my heart. I love that. He's holy and the Creator of the entire universe...and yet He cares enough about this silly girl who is a bit lonely and overwhelmed to meet her on her back porch for a short talk as she takes a break from a paper that she is struggling to write. How awesome is that? He just loves us so much. I just wish everyone could see this...have this experience...it's available...it just kills me that some will never take hold of it.
10.02.2005
Purpose.
"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of Your hands." Psalm 138:8
"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
So I had to buy a new Bible when I got home in June because mine completely fell apart this last year in Senegal. I hate breaking in a new Bible because in my old one, I know where everything is, what color it is highlighted in, and what side of the page it is on. So tonight I was sitting here looking through my "Uganda Missionary Bible" (a small blue Bible that I carried in Uganda) and ran across this top verse (Psalm 138:8) that I had underlined and I reread it and was just struck by how much it resonated deep within me tonight. Then Philippians 1:6 stuck out in my mind as an answer to the Psalmist saying "Do not abandon the works of Your hands..." And it's like it is confirmed here that Christ is finishing that work in us.
This last year brought a lot of hardships that I must confess I still deal with on some level, though thankfully much of it is past now. But sometimes in the quiet of the night, I have to ask myself and God "Why did all of this happen?" I'm fine with never knowing the full answer, but tonight as I sat and thought about that question, it struck me that Christ really is working on me. I feel like sometimes I'd like Him to just not work on me for a little bit so I can catch my breath, but I really do count myself blessed that He hasn't given up on me. Reminds me of the butler in Batman Begins who keeps telling Bruce Wayne that he will "never" give up on him. I find myself sometimes really wanting to see what is going to happen next in my life...where will I be going to serve? Will there be someone with me or am I going it alone with Jesus? But the great thing is, I don't have to worry about it. I can simply trust that where ever I end up and with whomever, or without, that God is still going to be working on me...that He is not going to abandon me...I am the work of His hands...and as much as I don't feel that way a lot of times...that is Truth. Somtimes His truth hurts to hear and believe when we have been told other things by people we love...yet it is a good hurt...a healing hurt. As a friend prayed for me this last week in class, "help her to see herself the way You see her." I pray that for all of my friends who struggle with this...it seems to be more common than I realized. Let us see ourselves as God's kids who He loves enough to continue working on...we are His masterpiece and He has a purpose for us!
"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
So I had to buy a new Bible when I got home in June because mine completely fell apart this last year in Senegal. I hate breaking in a new Bible because in my old one, I know where everything is, what color it is highlighted in, and what side of the page it is on. So tonight I was sitting here looking through my "Uganda Missionary Bible" (a small blue Bible that I carried in Uganda) and ran across this top verse (Psalm 138:8) that I had underlined and I reread it and was just struck by how much it resonated deep within me tonight. Then Philippians 1:6 stuck out in my mind as an answer to the Psalmist saying "Do not abandon the works of Your hands..." And it's like it is confirmed here that Christ is finishing that work in us.
This last year brought a lot of hardships that I must confess I still deal with on some level, though thankfully much of it is past now. But sometimes in the quiet of the night, I have to ask myself and God "Why did all of this happen?" I'm fine with never knowing the full answer, but tonight as I sat and thought about that question, it struck me that Christ really is working on me. I feel like sometimes I'd like Him to just not work on me for a little bit so I can catch my breath, but I really do count myself blessed that He hasn't given up on me. Reminds me of the butler in Batman Begins who keeps telling Bruce Wayne that he will "never" give up on him. I find myself sometimes really wanting to see what is going to happen next in my life...where will I be going to serve? Will there be someone with me or am I going it alone with Jesus? But the great thing is, I don't have to worry about it. I can simply trust that where ever I end up and with whomever, or without, that God is still going to be working on me...that He is not going to abandon me...I am the work of His hands...and as much as I don't feel that way a lot of times...that is Truth. Somtimes His truth hurts to hear and believe when we have been told other things by people we love...yet it is a good hurt...a healing hurt. As a friend prayed for me this last week in class, "help her to see herself the way You see her." I pray that for all of my friends who struggle with this...it seems to be more common than I realized. Let us see ourselves as God's kids who He loves enough to continue working on...we are His masterpiece and He has a purpose for us!
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