He let this happen.
He let the dream shatter before her very eyes.
He seemingly vanished in the darkness.
He allowed other things to make it darker.
He let His child become broken.
Broken for all to see.
But His hand moved in love.
The dream shattering opened up a bright future of new hope.
The darkness made way for radiant light.
Other things pushed her to hold to trust when it made no sense.
He broke His child because He loved her.
And He deepened her love for Him, that all may see His goodness.
7.27.2005
7.26.2005
Prophetic Poem
Tonight I began the overwhelming task of going through all my "junk" that has been in storage for the last two years and getting rid of as much as I possibly can...this whole being in transition all the time does not allow for so much stuff! Anyhow, I ran across a journal from my first year in Senegal and on the back cover, I had written down a poem that a dear friend wrote for me before I left Iowa in 2003. As I was reading it tonight, I was encouraged by it and touched at the prophetic words in it that I will make note of below. I love this poem. Not just because a dear friend wrote it for me, but also for it's words that constantly point me to my first Love...a Love that never fails though all others may. I hope my friend doesn't mind me sharing this with whoever checks this site. :)
Never forget that you are God's Princess.
The beautiful bride always in waiting,
In hopeful anticipation of her King.
Never lose your joy in hope,
And don't let your zeal be quenched,
Fan it ever with truth and action.
Never fear, but be bold for your King,
The Lord you can never deny, or deny you,
However hard this world tells you to.
Love Him, because He is life and love itself.
Never forget that you are God's Princess.
The beautiful bride always in waiting,
In hopeful anticipation of her King.
Never lose your joy in hope,
And don't let your zeal be quenched,
Fan it ever with truth and action.
Never fear, but be bold for your King,
The Lord you can never deny, or deny you,
However hard this world tells you to.
Love Him, because He is life and love itself.
7.24.2005
Not Safe.
"Ooh!" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, and no mistake,"' said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
--"The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" by CS Lewis
Enough said. I couldn't say it any better.
"That you will, dearie, and no mistake,"' said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
--"The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" by CS Lewis
Enough said. I couldn't say it any better.
Back.
We just got back from our vacation to the sunny land of Florida. I can honestly say that I am ever so thankful to be back. It was an emotionally draining trip for me, and there is just something sweet about being welcome home by the Iowa nights that are sweet with the scent of corn growing all around. I always welcome the squared off patches of greens from the air.
Funny thing. On the last leg of the flight, I sat by a guy who was roughly my age and pretty good looking. Enough so that I was intimidated and didn't want to talk to him. Anyhow, we eventually started chatting and it ends up that his uncle is with New Tribes Mission (the mission I went to Senegal with) and living in Senegal!! It's just crazy how small the world really is when you get down to it.
Anyhow, I'm thankful to be home. A few more weeks and I'll be heading off to SC...a new adventure. A new chapter of this thing called life.
I whispered goodbye
I don't think you heard.
But the waves rolled in
And absorbed every word.
Goodbye.
Funny thing. On the last leg of the flight, I sat by a guy who was roughly my age and pretty good looking. Enough so that I was intimidated and didn't want to talk to him. Anyhow, we eventually started chatting and it ends up that his uncle is with New Tribes Mission (the mission I went to Senegal with) and living in Senegal!! It's just crazy how small the world really is when you get down to it.
Anyhow, I'm thankful to be home. A few more weeks and I'll be heading off to SC...a new adventure. A new chapter of this thing called life.
I whispered goodbye
I don't think you heard.
But the waves rolled in
And absorbed every word.
Goodbye.
7.07.2005
Bebo
"A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail
And the God of second chance
Picked her up and He let her dance
Through a world that isn't kind"
-Bebo Norman "A Page is Turned"
"So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds"
-Bebo Norman "The Hammer Holds"
This night I found myself out driving around with my windows down and my heater on my feet. I just needed to get away. I just needed to think. I pulled over by the lake at one point in hopes of just sitting and taking in the peacefulness...that it would somehow just settle over me by some form of osmosis and calm my thoughts. I sat there for about 3 minutes, an absolutely beautiful summer night, and could not sit any longer. My thoughts could not focus. I don't know if its a tired restlessness or a different kind...knowing that a very difficult day is coming up very soon. This world is not kind. I used to listen to "A Page is Turned" with hope of God hearing my cries and answering the way I wanted Him to. He didn't. I can't listen to that song anymore. But I suppose if that were the worst of it, that would be no problem. :) I guess the thing with dancing is that sometimes you fall and hurt yourself. Sometimes your partner steps on your toes and hurts you. So you just pick yourself off, take the hand of the Father and dance elsewhere. "My dreams are not the issue here..." This life is not about me. I forget that all the time. My dreams are so important to me...but as I was reminded today "my ways are not His ways..." The task before me is very unclear...other than the basics...but my Maker holds it...and in that I have to rest..."He MAKES us lie down in green pastures..." A good shepherd will make his sheep lie down. When I get to the end of me, all I have is Him...I just wish I weren't so stubborn to have to keep getting to the point of being at the end of me. A difficult day lies ahead...nine days to be exact. But I'm thankful that though others walk away, He is with me and holding me through it. And when we get through that, maybe again I can breathe deep and take another step forward. I just want to move forward.
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail
And the God of second chance
Picked her up and He let her dance
Through a world that isn't kind"
-Bebo Norman "A Page is Turned"
"So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds"
-Bebo Norman "The Hammer Holds"
This night I found myself out driving around with my windows down and my heater on my feet. I just needed to get away. I just needed to think. I pulled over by the lake at one point in hopes of just sitting and taking in the peacefulness...that it would somehow just settle over me by some form of osmosis and calm my thoughts. I sat there for about 3 minutes, an absolutely beautiful summer night, and could not sit any longer. My thoughts could not focus. I don't know if its a tired restlessness or a different kind...knowing that a very difficult day is coming up very soon. This world is not kind. I used to listen to "A Page is Turned" with hope of God hearing my cries and answering the way I wanted Him to. He didn't. I can't listen to that song anymore. But I suppose if that were the worst of it, that would be no problem. :) I guess the thing with dancing is that sometimes you fall and hurt yourself. Sometimes your partner steps on your toes and hurts you. So you just pick yourself off, take the hand of the Father and dance elsewhere. "My dreams are not the issue here..." This life is not about me. I forget that all the time. My dreams are so important to me...but as I was reminded today "my ways are not His ways..." The task before me is very unclear...other than the basics...but my Maker holds it...and in that I have to rest..."He MAKES us lie down in green pastures..." A good shepherd will make his sheep lie down. When I get to the end of me, all I have is Him...I just wish I weren't so stubborn to have to keep getting to the point of being at the end of me. A difficult day lies ahead...nine days to be exact. But I'm thankful that though others walk away, He is with me and holding me through it. And when we get through that, maybe again I can breathe deep and take another step forward. I just want to move forward.
Miracles
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
--Albert Einstein
I was sitting down by the river tonight with my friend Greg just enjoying his company and the sounds of the night and watching a few healthy people run or ride their bikes by when all of the sudden he sort of sat up and said, "Ahhh" just as I was looking up...to see none other than a falling star. Well, we debated for a brief moment about whether it was really a falling star or if it was the remenant of some firework...but just as quickly decided it was a falling star. It was really bright and trailed for quite awhile since I had time to look up and see it. It took me back to another night a few years ago when I was sitting talking with my friend Steph in Uganda and we watched a star streak across the whole sky before fading away.
I ran across the above quote tonight when I took a look at boundless.org...and immediately fell in love with it and had to share it. Everything in life is a miracle if you really think about it. The Creator gives us life and breath each day...which is a miracle in itself if you remember that He's not just doing it for you...but also for all the other how-ever-many billion people in the world...whether we thank Him for it or not...whether we recognize it is Him or not...He is the One doing it. If I sit here and really break things down in life...everything is a miracle. My friends that God has given me...my family...the experiences I have...the frogs in the pond in my backyard that love to converse in the evening in a way that soothes me and reminds me that this is "home"...there are so many little things. I love simplicity...I love nature...maybe its just because I can see God's hand so much clearer when I get away from all the man-made stuff and just truly enjoy what He has done...but no matter what it is, when you really get down to it, its all a miracle. And you would think that would take away from the big miracles...but I don't think so...I think that it just makes it all the more awesome...and creates so many more opportunities to stand in awe of all that is around us.
--Albert Einstein
I was sitting down by the river tonight with my friend Greg just enjoying his company and the sounds of the night and watching a few healthy people run or ride their bikes by when all of the sudden he sort of sat up and said, "Ahhh" just as I was looking up...to see none other than a falling star. Well, we debated for a brief moment about whether it was really a falling star or if it was the remenant of some firework...but just as quickly decided it was a falling star. It was really bright and trailed for quite awhile since I had time to look up and see it. It took me back to another night a few years ago when I was sitting talking with my friend Steph in Uganda and we watched a star streak across the whole sky before fading away.
I ran across the above quote tonight when I took a look at boundless.org...and immediately fell in love with it and had to share it. Everything in life is a miracle if you really think about it. The Creator gives us life and breath each day...which is a miracle in itself if you remember that He's not just doing it for you...but also for all the other how-ever-many billion people in the world...whether we thank Him for it or not...whether we recognize it is Him or not...He is the One doing it. If I sit here and really break things down in life...everything is a miracle. My friends that God has given me...my family...the experiences I have...the frogs in the pond in my backyard that love to converse in the evening in a way that soothes me and reminds me that this is "home"...there are so many little things. I love simplicity...I love nature...maybe its just because I can see God's hand so much clearer when I get away from all the man-made stuff and just truly enjoy what He has done...but no matter what it is, when you really get down to it, its all a miracle. And you would think that would take away from the big miracles...but I don't think so...I think that it just makes it all the more awesome...and creates so many more opportunities to stand in awe of all that is around us.
7.05.2005
Shelf Life
In the summer of 2002, ten of us sat around in a room in Kampala, Uganda with our team leader, Alan, leading us through a debriefing. He talked about things such as "re-inculturation" and "shelf life"...we were challenged to think on all the things we had learned in the 5 weeks we spent in rural Uganda and to take them to heart. Most lessons have a certain shelf life where it is of utter importance to really implement the lesson in your life or it will fade away as you get re-inculturated to the States. That thought has been roaming around my head lately.
In the last week, its like God took a spot light and just shined it into the fog of my life and made some things really clear about this last year. I have felt a joy creeping in that seems almost foreign to me as I have not experienced it for sooo long. I can't help but laugh at the simplicity of the things He has used to soften me up. He has used a book, a CD, and some good friends. It's crazy, really. I wish I could share on here all the things I am learning, but I'm not willing to step out like that right now for fear that I will say something and have it taken the wrong way.
It's strange, I feel so different than I did even the last time I was home last summer...I am seeing my life and life in general through entirely different eyes. And its such a beautiful thing. Painful, but beautiful nonetheless. I finished another book today. Here are a few things from the last few chapters that I want to share with you...
"God redeems our pain and sorrow. Nothing that has happened to us is lost in His hands."
"When we offer the painful things in life to God, He is able to bless them and bring hope and life to others through our brokenness."
"God gives us a new beginning only when His grace is there so we can accept it and walk in it."
"Following Christ is a direct call to let go of our human need to understand everything and trust God."
"Those who were able to bring their doubts and fears, into the presence of God, and who truly wrestled with their faith, found a faith that could withstand anything. Doubts unexpressed isolate us and drive us from the heart of God. God's heart is big enough to carry whatever burden you are bearing."
-Sheila Walsh, "Extraordinary Faith"
In the last week, its like God took a spot light and just shined it into the fog of my life and made some things really clear about this last year. I have felt a joy creeping in that seems almost foreign to me as I have not experienced it for sooo long. I can't help but laugh at the simplicity of the things He has used to soften me up. He has used a book, a CD, and some good friends. It's crazy, really. I wish I could share on here all the things I am learning, but I'm not willing to step out like that right now for fear that I will say something and have it taken the wrong way.
It's strange, I feel so different than I did even the last time I was home last summer...I am seeing my life and life in general through entirely different eyes. And its such a beautiful thing. Painful, but beautiful nonetheless. I finished another book today. Here are a few things from the last few chapters that I want to share with you...
"God redeems our pain and sorrow. Nothing that has happened to us is lost in His hands."
"When we offer the painful things in life to God, He is able to bless them and bring hope and life to others through our brokenness."
"God gives us a new beginning only when His grace is there so we can accept it and walk in it."
"Following Christ is a direct call to let go of our human need to understand everything and trust God."
"Those who were able to bring their doubts and fears, into the presence of God, and who truly wrestled with their faith, found a faith that could withstand anything. Doubts unexpressed isolate us and drive us from the heart of God. God's heart is big enough to carry whatever burden you are bearing."
-Sheila Walsh, "Extraordinary Faith"
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