noisy

 my world is much noisier than it was 12 years ago when i last put anything here. i have tried since then to fill this empty canvas, but nothing seemed right. but why now? i don't really know. i'm pretty sure no one even checks this anymore, so maybe it's because it is a quiet space. maybe it's because there are things inside this butterfly jar waiting to be released. maybe i simply miss my old friend, writing. 

this past year has been... a challenge. there have been times when i literally thought my heart was going to burst open. there have been times when i nearly went bald pulling my hair out. i have seen depths of selfishness in my heart that i didn't realize were still there, i have seen anger that blindsided me that i'm still trying to figure out, and i've felt an old numbness come back and haunt me. 

i feel a bit bruised up. but the one thing i know through it all - God is still good. and He is still holding me together... even when it doesn't feel like it. 

I want to live, I want to love
But I'm afraid my simple faith will never be enough
I want to laugh, I want to be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
But I don't know where to start
It's on the tip of my heart

-tip of my heart, bebo norman